I’m feeling much better
It’s been a while since I posted something here, well I haven’t been feeling so well for the past two months. But it has finally started to turn around, I can go without taking any medication to feel somewhat good. So that feels and is just so great, to be able to get out of that damn hole. I haven’t had a dark period like this one in a couple of years, hopefully it won’t be this severe in the future.
As always I’ve tried to keep busy with work, haven’t thought about much else. Last weekend, me and Elden finished watching season 3 of The Walking Dead. Hopefully we’ll start watching season 4 under this weekend, I also borrowed Telltales The Talking Dead game from him. I’ve only played two chapters so far, but so far so good! I really enjoy it and it has placed me in some uncomfortable situations. Never thought it would be so hard to make certain choices in games, dammit it! But as I said its good and I hope I have the time to play more under the weekend.
I won’t be going to the Sci-fi convention this time, I don’t have the money. I might go in October when they are in Helsingborg, all comes down to if I can afford it. Hopefully there aren’t any games I want coming out at the time, because I’ll always pick the games before the convention. But I feel relieved, I wasn’t sure I’d go anyway since I still don’t really want to be around many people I don’t know. Still get panic attacks and get dizzy and I get nausea.
A little less than three weeks away from Tales of Symphonia Chronicles and Castlevania Lords of Shadow 2 for the PlayStation 3. Damn I’m really looking forward to those games! They are preordered and payed, just need them to be released. I’ve also preordered Final Fantasy X & X-2 HD for PS3 and Infamous Second Son for PS4. So I have a lot of games to play soon, but that’s great! Hopefully I can get the time also, will preorder a copy of Drakengard 3 later too. I need that game! I love NieR and it’s from the same team, I need it!
Tags: Better, Games, Money, Sci-fi convention, The Walking Dead, TV-Shows
I’ve really been down…
This past month I haven’t been feeling well at all, I’ve had one depression after another. Its been on full alert so to say, so many bad thoughts so many bad memories resurfaced. All the bullying I went through in school, it all came rushing back in an instant and really brought me to my knees. I’ve hid this for the most of time for my friends, since I didn’t want to be a bother… But last week I let some of it out, it’s hard to suffer from deep depression it takes all the energy you have left and leaves you like an empty shell.
Sadly none of the medications I’ve taken has helped much, might have worked a bit but I have not felt better in the slightest. I’ve hardly set foot outside of my apartment, aside from going to work. I really can’t handle people right now. Which is a bit ironic since work has been the only thing that has been holding me together and I’m with people all the time there, but I guess they’ve noticed I haven’t been myself.
So keeping myself preoccupied with work has worked the best far, sure it hasn’t been a walk in the park there either. But at least I can get away from all the stuff in my head, all the over flowing thoughts and feeling of emptiness and pain. But I’m slowly making my way back now, actually got a phone call today that really managed to lift my spirit. Not going to go into it to much since its work related, but I got told I’ve been doing a good job and was asked to help another person. Because I sure of what I was doing in my work as an instructor and this person said more good things. But she really lifted my spirit and that helped me a great bit. Sure I’m still in the passing phase of being swallowed in my depression and feeling somewhat good, but I’ll take it.
Hopefully I can start feeling much better again and hopefully I won’t have a depression as big or tiresome as this one has been, but I always get like this around Christmas time and it takes a while to shake off.
Thanks to all this, my phobia for large groups of people had really grown. I need to start from scratch again and slowly work my way up to a comfortable level of people I don’t know… This is my I’m considering skipping out on Sci-Fi Mässan this year, because I’m not sure I can handle the people and I might get a panic attack or worse. I don’t want to go though those things, but I’d like to go too… But what can you do when phobias and stuff get in your way? I wish it was as easy as just saying, fuck you phobia I’m going. But sadly it is not, if this isn’t getting better I’m canceling any plans I had to travel this summer. I really can’t handle the stress I feel with traveling, especially to new places and new people, even if we’ve know each other for a long time on the internet but never met before.
But nothing it certain, but so far just thinking of it makes me dizzy and feel unwell. I know I hoped to meet a bunch of people this year, but unless I can get over this I really am sorry. There is no way for me, and no way I want to go though all those hurdles and feel like shit. If you want to block me or not talk to me anymore because of that, I understand. But hopefully you all can understand how hard this is for me and its my biggest problem and will always be something I have to wrestle with.
Tags: Depression, Life, People, Phobia, Text, Thoughts, Work
I want to make movies
It’s been a quite,nice and pretty relaxing Saturday so far. It feels great, just taking it easy and not doing anything at all. Well in a while I am going to sit down and play some moreThe Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds.
The game has been fun and great so far, we’ll see what I think later when I’m done with the game. But since A Link To The Past is my favorite Zelda game, I’m pretty sure I’ll enjoy this one too.
I would like to make videos again, I’d like to get some old AMV ideas out there. But it is pretty hard when you feel no motivation for it sadly. Then again I would love to make real videos too, me and a couple of friends have a few ideas. We would like to make small horror like movies, hard to explain my idea without going into to much detail. Which I don’t want to do at the moment, I’d just like to make movies in all kind of stuff. Video game related stuff, reviews. Yeah all the big kinda stuff, hoping the motivation and time will find it’s way to me, to be a bit more creative. Would be a bit easier too if I had a house, then one room could be the work room for such projects.
We will see what the future brings, but it has been a dream of mine to make some kind of movie. I don’t know if it even would be good or if anyone would watch it, I just feel it’s something I have to do in order to satisfy a long time dream.
Tags: Creative, Dreams, Games, Movie making, Nintendo 3DS, The Legend of Zelda
MGS, Zelda and more!
From tomorrow everything will be back to normal, stores will be open as they usually are. The mail will get delivered as it should, I’ve grown sick of these days between Christmas and New Years. Since nothing has worked or been open the way it should. Its been somewhat frustrating actually, actually going to be nice to work again for a full week and then have the weekend of. Instead of work one-two days then your free due to a holiday, but you have to work the day after that then you are free again. It really messes with your head.
Later this week I am hoping The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds will drop in. Can’t wait to finally play it and see how it is and get something to play in my Nintendo 3DS.
But before it arrives I’m thinking of starting to play Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker HD. It is the only one of the new MGS games I still haven’t played and I feel like I want to play it before Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes arrive in March.
I’d like to finish those games also before I get Tales of Symphonia Chronicles, Castlevania: Lords of Shadows 2 and Infamous: Second Son. I have a shitload of new upcoming games too play, hope I’ll have the time. And then I’ve missed a couple of games from last year fir the 3DS. So hopefully I will be able to play those too, like Fire Emblem Awakening. Really, really want to try that one out.
Tags: Fire Emblem, Games, Metal Gear Solid, Nintendo 3DS, Peace Walker, PS3, Tales of Symphonia, The Legend of Zelda
Highlight of 2013
2013 was a good year for me, sure I still have problems with my depressions and anxiety. Some of those aspects actually got worse over the year, which is sad since I had hoped to get some control over them. Easier said than done, I might tell you. Either way, here are some of the highlights I liked from 2013. They will all be posts from my site, I might add a separate list for other stuff later.
- JANUARY 15: A prize from Namco Bandai
- JANUARY 31: Ni no Kuni is here!
- MARCH 24: Sci-Fi Convention 2013
- MAY 17: I’m going places
- JUNE 19: I am writing for PSSverige
- AUGUST 9: Tales of Xillia acquired!
- OCTOBER 27: I’m 30 now
- NOVEMBER 29: My PlayStation 4 is here!!
- NOVEMBER 29: Some impression of the PlayStation 4
That’s all I can think of now, there might be more. But then again I don’t live a very exciting life, but I like what I do. And I’m just happy people want to read about it, even if I’m writing for myself. Still it makes me happy that people take the time. You are very appreciated dear reader! =)
Tags: Games, Highlights, PlayStation 4, Site, Tales of Xillia, Year
2014 is a bit blue…
New year, new times. Or something like that, huh?
Woke up pretty late today, guess I was pretty tried of all that Kingdom Hearts playing. Still it was fun, but I don’t think I’m going to marathon through a game like that again.
I’m starting this new year, by playing some Sonic games. Both Sonic The Hedgehog and Sonic Adventure 2 where cheap on PSN and I’ve been wanting to replay Sonic Adventure 2 for a while. I don’t dislike the Sonic Adventure games as much as everyone else seems to, I have very fond memories of playing Sonic Adventure 1 for the Dreamcast. It was actually the game that made me get a Dreamcast, sometimes I still long for those days…
In the coming days, I’ll probably post a list of my favorite or most important posts of 2013. Will probably do it this upcoming weekend, since it’s back to work tomorrow. Heh, could have used a few more days off. Good thing we only work two days, before being able to take a break for three days again. So I shouldn’t complain really, have fun everyone and happy 2014.
Tags: Dreamcast, Photos, Sega, Sonic Adventure, Sonic The Hedgehog
Kingdom Hearts makes #30!!
Let me explain that a bit better for ya. Yesterday, I had finished 29 games under the entire 2013. My goal was to at least clear 30 games before this year was over and it was looking grim. But then yesterday I started playing Kingdom Hearts Final Mix HD for PlayStation 3 and I’ve went through the entire game, not skipping any story stuff and finished it right now!
It feels so good that the goal of beating 30 games under 2013 could be reached, this doesn’t mean shit you probably. But I’m very happy that I was able to achieve it, the way I’ve been working this I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Next year will be filled with great games, new as old. Ironically those games I’m looking forward to most are all remasters. There is Tales of Symphonia Chronicles, which contain both the first and second Tales of Symphonia game. Then there is Final Fantasy X / X-2 HD remaster, looking forward to playing those games with some improved visuals. Even if its not much, its still nice that the people who missed out on them can get a new chance to play them. Then there is Kingdom Hearts 2.5 HD ReMIX, which includes Kingdom Hearts 2 and Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep, really, really want to play BBS.
From the guys that brought us Nier (awesome game) there is Drakengard 3. All the games I’ve mentioned now are for PlayStstion 3, so its still going strong even in 2014. My most hyped PlayStation 4 game for next year is Infamous: Second Son, it looks fantastic!
Well I could go on forever talking about games, but now I’m just going to relax and enjoy the last half hour of 2013. Take care all visitors and I hope you’ll have a great start next year, happy new year everyone!! See you in 2014!
