Vacation almost over

Time really does fly when you are free. Soon my three and a half weeks of vacation will be over, I start working again on Wednesday. It’s been pretty nice not having to go up so early and I’ve had as couple of late nights and I didn’t realize how much had missed this. But alas all things must come to an end, and I’m somewhat looking forward to starting working again. Mostly because I’ll get out of the apartment more than I have under my vacation. I have gotten out quite a bit in the first week of vacation, buy then I’ve mostly stayed home and have been taking it easy and lazy.
It was nice being lazy for once.

I’m still searching for a new apartment, I have a few I’ve show interest in so I hope the will pick me to check them out. Then I’ll just have to hope I get one of them. I really want to move now, I want a bigger apartment so I can rearrange my stuff better.
I want a kitchen I can sit and eat in, I want a real bedroom so I don’t have to have everything in the living room as things are now. And hopefully later people can stay over if they want, and if I’ll let them off course. ;)
In looking forward to actually hang some posters/paintings up, right now I have nothing on the walls. Mostly so I don’t have to fix anything when I leave the current apartment. I really want my hobby and life to show where I live, right now there is nothing of that. I like games, I like cartoons and I want that to show. If people don’t like it can handle it that is their problem not mine, I’m not ashamed of what I like.
And if I do meet a special someone, they have to accept this part of me too.

I’m hoping to get some other furnishers then I finally move to, some more shelves for the games and hobbies. I hope my economy will let me start retro collecting soon, but before that can happen I need the older consoles first. Well I don’t really need them first, but I want to have them first do I can start playing as soon as I get some games, but that is for another post. I’m hoping I’ll be able to see Ant-man in about two weeks, when it has finally premiered here in Sweden.

Other than focusing on work and looking for a new place to live, the coming months will be filled of games for me, so at least I’ll have that. And if I’ll be moving hopefully it will be done in the coming thee months, and then there will be no money left for anything else. Moving is expensive, especially when you end up with double rent.
But it’s only for a month or so, just have to hold out. Things will be better later.
All in all I’ve had a great vacation starting home and taking it easy, next year I might be ready for some more action. Hopefully I’m in better shape next year to, hope I can start going to the gym again soon. Everything depends on the economy, but at least I haven’t had any soda for a week now, yes it’s a big deal actually. And I’ve only eaten soon candy that I’ve had at home, I have not bought anything new. So now I want to get in form, I really want to regain the weight I had 15 years ago.

It is finally happening

That’s right! It is finally happening! What’s happening you might or might not wonder, well I have started going to the gym! I’m finally on the way to get my health on track and get rid of all my overweight. I’m really happy about that and it feels great! I’ve been there two times already and its pretty fun actually and I enjoy it, I’ve cleared all the other hurdles that has been thrown at me at life. When I have lost weight and keep on building myself up, I’m finally free of the past, I started eating because of all the bullying at school and through out my life. It became sort of a comfort when things got hard to just eat and so it continue for many many years. But I’m finally putting and end to that, I haven’t had any kinds of soda for over a month, I’ve cut down on all sugar intakes. While I do still eat some candy, but only on Saturdays now. Or at certain occasions, but definitely not every day like it used to be.

I’m also slowly changing my diet, eating a little less and adding more vegetables. Changing from white bread to a dark healthier bread, changing to a healthier butter. But I don’t eat all that much bread anymore, but it good to change either way. I’m going to start eating foods with more full grain, even if I’m not overly fond of that, but I have to or rather I want to make these changes, I really want to lose weight and slim down. As soon as I know I’ve made progress and I have been able to weigh myself properly I won’t be posting any pictures or say my weight. Mostly because I’m not 100% sure that I weigh as much as I did last time I check myself, could be more could be less. And I want to post picture later, when you can see a difference. Looking forward too that day indeed. And I want too give a big thanks to my MP3-player, thank you for letting me ignore other people and for being an awesome partner at the gym.

I’ve really been down…

This past month I haven’t been feeling well at all, I’ve had one depression after another. Its been on full alert so to say, so many bad thoughts so many bad memories resurfaced. All the bullying I went through in school, it all came rushing back in an instant and really brought me to my knees. I’ve hid this for the most of time for my friends, since I didn’t want to be a bother… But last week I let some of it out, it’s hard to suffer from deep depression it takes all the energy you have left and leaves you like an empty shell.
Sadly none of the medications I’ve taken has helped much, might have worked a bit but I have not felt better in the slightest. I’ve hardly set foot outside of my apartment, aside from going to work. I really can’t handle people right now. Which is a bit ironic since work has been the only thing that has been holding me together and I’m with people all the time there, but I guess they’ve noticed I haven’t been myself.

So keeping myself preoccupied with work has worked the best far, sure it hasn’t been a walk in the park there either. But at least I can get away from all the stuff in my head, all the over flowing thoughts and feeling of emptiness and pain. But I’m slowly making my way back now, actually got a phone call today that really managed to lift my spirit. Not going to go into it to much since its work related, but I got told I’ve been doing a good job and was asked to help another person. Because I sure of what I was doing in my work as an instructor and this person said more good things. But she really lifted my spirit and that helped me a great bit. Sure I’m still in the passing phase of being swallowed in my depression and feeling somewhat good, but I’ll take it.
Hopefully I can start feeling much better again and hopefully I won’t have a depression as big or tiresome as this one has been, but I always get like this around Christmas time and it takes a while to shake off.

Thanks to all this, my phobia for large groups of people had really grown. I need to start from scratch again and slowly work my way up to a comfortable level of people I don’t know… This is my I’m considering skipping out on Sci-Fi Mässan this year, because I’m not sure I can handle the people and I might get a panic attack or worse. I don’t want to go though those things, but I’d like to go too… But what can you do when phobias and stuff get in your way? I wish it was as easy as just saying, fuck you phobia I’m going. But sadly it is not, if this isn’t getting better I’m canceling any plans I had to travel this summer. I really can’t handle the stress I feel with traveling, especially to new places and new people, even if we’ve know each other for a long time on the internet but never met before.
But nothing it certain, but so far just thinking of it makes me dizzy and feel unwell. I know I hoped to meet a bunch of people this year, but unless I can get over this I really am sorry. There is no way for me, and no way I want to go though all those hurdles and feel like shit. If you want to block me or not talk to me anymore because of that, I understand. But hopefully you all can understand how hard this is for me and its my biggest problem and will always be something I have to wrestle with.

Writning and stuff

So it has been a while since I last posted. Well as usually of late, there has been much to do in my real life, like work and other stuff I have no direct control over.
And I’ve been having some writers block for some time now. I love to write, but I just can’t get into the mood and write something. I’d love to continue writing me and Elden’s fantasy story, especially since we rebooted it. The only down part in this, except for the writers block is my mild dyslexia, something I try to overcome as much as possible.

And speaking if writing I have been writing on a blog since 2006, that’s a pretty long time. Why do I do it? Well as I said I like to write so that is one reason, another reason is for me to process some stuff. I write both good and bad stuff that happens and by doing that it helps me process some of it. If it’s bad stuff I can get it of my chest, and if it is good its worth mentioning.  The best thing about writing the bad stuff is to read it later when you have overcome what ever it was. And I do it for the reason that my memory can be really crappy at times, and there are some things I want to remember. I write my blog for myself and if others see it and read it, that is fine.

On another note, last weekend me and Elden started our Mega Man X marathon. We finished MMX1 to MMX3 and are at the end of MMX4, that was very fun. We had some problem.with a real shit controller but that’s fixed now. So next time will be a much better experience. Not really looking forward to playthrough MMX7… But that’s just something we have to do. And we would have loved to do.videos if these marathon playthroughs and talk about the games while playing them. Maybe some other time, but that is something I really wanna do.

Oh, yeah! New apartment!

Finally somebody with some free wifi to lend me! My first time online since Thursday night, I can’t say I’ve missed it all that much.
Moving everything on Friday May 4th, went without a hich. It didn’t take much more than 2 hours tops. So that feelt really great, a shame that I must back to the old apartment for cleaning…  But that a little less than two weeks away, so I don’t have to think about it right now.
So far I really like it in the new apartment, the first night I sleept as a baby. Best sleep I’ve had in months, and first time in a very long time I feelt really good.
Sadly I can decorate or put up anything right now, because the owners of the building are coming Wednesday and putting in a new floors in my apartment. So I just have the necesary stuff. But after that, I’ll but up pictures and stuff. :)

I really want to thank all of my friends who helped me with my moving, without you it wouldn’t have been possible. So thank you all so kindly! I apriciate it more than you think.

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Tales of Vesperia, eat my artes!

Just finished the second RPG of this year, Tales of Vesperia. Sure, I had played most of the game early last year. And finally got around to finish it now, that I had a working Xbox 360 to play it on. And boy I really do love the Tales of series. Probably one of my favorite RPG series right now, if I must be honest.
So I’m really looking forward to the Playstation 3 release of Tales of Graces F now! And speaking of PS3 is it such a shame that Namco Bandai didn’t release an English version of the PS3 version for Tales of Vesperia. I want my KOS-MOS costume on Judith, goddamn it!!
So if I find a Japanese/Asian copy of the game cheap sometime, I’m gonna buy it. Yeah, I’ll buy it for just such a simple reason…

Anyway… I loved this game very much, the characters, music, the world. Just about everything. I think my biggest complaint about the game is the last part of the game and the last boss. I wasn’t feeling any of it, so yeah that might be just me. But I thought that whole part of the game was pretty weak. I had hoped for a tad more. Just to be clear it does in no way make the game any less, fun or good. This is just what I think anyway. And if you have a way to play this game, I can highly recommend it.
Probably one of the best RPG’s I’ve played this generation, if not my favorite so far.

I’m not going to go much deeper into the game than this, experience it for yourself if you can. And I hope you’ll buy future Tales of games, so we can get more of them translated. I’m really crossing my fingers and hoping we can get Tales of Xillia localized in English at some point. Hopefully Tales of Graces F will sell well enough for Namco Bandai, so they’ll consider it…

I’ll be taking a little break from gaming now, there are stuff that I need to do in my life right now. Like study to get better and be able to more on my job. Mostly it’s just that, so sadly that will have to take up all my game time right now. If I was better at studying I could perhaps do both, but as I am right now I want to give 100% focus on my work. Its only for three weeks or some, I can hold on. I can also play some older unfinished games at weekends, so its not like I am taking a whole vaccination from gaming. But when I get back, sometime in the beginning of February I hope to be able to play Soul Calibur V. I’ll still make my posts here as usual.

Haven’t played…

Its been about 4 days since I last played Star Ocean The Last Hope. While I like the game, things have just stopped. I’ve been busy with other stuff that has taken all the time from gaming. And then I’ve been with frien and that’s a good reason to not play games. Just need to get back into if and fight.
I’ve stopped at the Phantom Soldiers, if you’ve played the game you know this can be a frustrating fight. I really need to level up if I want to stand a chans against them all. So later today, I’m gonna sit down and go for a real power level trip.
And material collection so I can make some new armors and weapons.

Good thing you can play your own music while playing games on the Xbox 360. I’m notgoing to stand to listen to the fighting song if I’m going to spend a great deal of time leveling up and doing other quests. So guess I’ll watch some anime now and then go to bed, so I can wake up somewhat early and start playing the game.