So today I turned 30 and it feels good. Nothing different about it, I’m just pleased I got my own home and job before I turned 30. So it’s good, good, good!
I was treated to a delicious meal by my good friend Recluse yesterday, it was a very good chicken curry stew. Loved it! And to be able to share that with some of my best friends was awesome, best birthday present I could have gotten.
If it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t even care about gifts, I’m giving myself a PlayStation 4 next month that’s more than enough. Sure, I wouldn’t say no to gifts but they are not important.
So far today I’ve been out and got groceries, got toilet paper (it’s important!) and done the laundry. Now I’m just going to take it easy and relax and enjoy the day. See if I decide to play something or just watch a movie, I feel like I want to do something. But I’m not quite sure what. Hopefully I’ll find something to do.
Yeah, it is hard to believe in just a little more than two months I’ll be turning 30. Can’t say that it feels different from turning 29 and I doubt it will feel different at all. I’m not worried about having a crisis when I turn 30, I’ve had to much shit happen in my life to be downed or flip-out because I’m getting older. I’ve managed to get an apartment and a job and I love both, even if I want a bigger apartment. I am checking around to try and find something, so we’ll see when something shows up. If I must wish for something I would only like cash, there is nothing else I need.
Not really true, but its easier and more appreciated. I just hope it will be a good day and I’ll see if I even bother to celebrate it. I really don’t see the point in stuff like that anymore. Birthdays, Christmas and all holidays. Ehh..
Even if things are better than they where in the past, I still can’t seem to shake my depressions and sometimes I still down and don’t have the strength to do anything at all. Sadly this is what I am feeling now and when I am like this I take everything as something bad directed at me if its written in text. Or if I am ignored when I try to reach out to get contact. And as I am now texting me is okay, but I don’t want to talk on the phone. Just hoping this will pass over soon, I hate feeling like this. I started writing this when I didn’t feel so good and I have rewritten this a couple of times already and I realize I didn’t feel so so good from the start. Forcing feelings and thoughts out in the open by typing them, sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t, even if I deleted them afterwards so others couldn’t see.
I just hate having this feeling of being dead-inside and the feeling of being abandoned.
I was really hoping to write a more positive post today, but it really didn’t turn out so good did it? Guess I’ll go offline now and try to occupy myself with something to stop thinking about stuff. Thinking of updating my profile here on the site later on, to describe more of my illness and why I am so depressed and down at times. So hopefully more people can understand, at least my friends. Next time I really hope I can do a big happy update.
Tags: Birthday, Depression, Feelings, Me, Yazuka
I’ve turned 29 today. Yay, yay and all that. Or something. Do not feel older or different, just like always. Just wanted to get that out of my system, I’m hoping my next posts will be a bit happier than the last few posts here.
Thanks to all the people who has wish me an happy birthday.
Less than a week left until I turn 29. Heh, not that I care much about that. It’s just a number and doesn’t mean much to me, just adding to a bigger number. Guess that’s the best part of this month, because I have not been feeling well. I’m entering one of my depressing periods, it’s so damn hard to fight that. I’ve been wanting to avoid taking pills for as long as I’ve could, I’ve taken some for my depressions at time. But now I think I need something better and perhaps a more regular approach to it.
This past week that we are now leaving behind us has been bad, I’ve been walking around like an empty shell. And its hard that no one around me seems to understand how hard this is, and doesn’t give much thought. And it’s so damn hard to explain these kind of things to people, especially if they don’t understand how it feels to be like this.
So I hope I can get an appointment at the doctor next Friday and hopefully I can get some help, at least see if I can get a diagnose on why I am like I am and have to feel like I do.
And hopefully get rid of some of the heavy load ’m carrying from my past, that would be nice. Or at least get some of it of my chest, so it doesn’t sink me down so much..
This was a depressing post, I really hope the next ones will be much better and happier. If I just can get rid of this heavy, empty feeling I can start feeling a bit better. At least for now and that would be great.
So it seems like I finally needed some spectacles, my sight isn’t that bad but it seemed like it was time for it. With my glasses I don’t have to overwork my eyes, which I’ve seem to done. I know see things from a distance with more sharpness and less blurriness, so that’s pretty nice!
So far it feels pretty weird, a bit strange. But I guess that’s natural in order to adapt and get used to the glasses. I like then at least and that’s good. Now my nerdiness is complete! Whaha!! Or would have been if you believed children when I was young saying only nerds had glasses.
I really do hope this will put less strains on the eyes and I’ll have less headaches, it probably will. Now I’m probably never going to see another 3D movie at the cinema, I’m not much for the wearing glasses over glasses (Yo, dawg!) thing. Well enough rambling for this time, hoping I can post a few funny Woody pictures (what are you thinking!?!) next time. Till then take care mates!
Things are not so good right now. I’m busted my back, it happened while working yesterday. Went to the doctor today and yeah, its busted. So right now I’m having trouble sitting and lying down. I can do both, but it hurts… And not the good kinda hurt mind you. One of the few times I can remember I’ve cried from the pain, it hurt like fucking hell. Going to get some painkillers tomorrow. So that’s about what I’m doing right now, trying not to feel pain.
I think now that I’m free for work, for some time. I’m gonna go over and make my list on what has been good this year. Like my favorite anime series, games and such stuff. I would really like to make a post about my favorite anime intros of 2011. So I think I’m going to check those out and see which ones I really like
Thanks everyone who has called and sms:ed me and wishing me a happy birthday today. I apriciate it very much. Today I turned 28, and as always nothing feels different. A few folks will come over on Saturday and we’ll watch some halloween movies. And tomorrow I will be treated to the new Tintin movie. Looking forward to that as well. Again thanks for your messages it means a lot to me.
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