New year is here and hopefully it will bring much happiness with it. Would be truly nice it that was the case for all my friends. That’s why I feel so down when some of my friends, almost aways the same one… Doesn’t even seem to ask how it is, or try to cheer me up when I’m depressed. I just read something this friend wrote and it got me started thinking about what it said in that text, and if that only applies to a certain other friend or in fact all friends. Because to my knowledge none of the other friends feel that way. I know this sounds harsh and mean, but seriously just hearing some encouraging words or asking how it is, could have helped me thought a bit of my depressions. I’m not even sure my words are coming out the way I’m thinking it in my head. They may seem harsher or ruder here, but hopefully my friends knows me that well to know, it’s not what I meant.
I’m not saying its always like this, but for most of the times. And I might be reading into stuff to much, but that’s pretty easy to do when you are depressed and it keeps growing. People who don’t suffer from this kinds of severer depression where you have to take medicine to feel normal can hardly understand what’s going on. I do know I might not be a very good friend, but I try and I have my problems that sometimes get in my way. Of either taking contact with people of even have the energy to do so. And my “wonkiness” or “awkward behavior” are just side effects of my insecurity, I don’t know how to act in front of people and I get nervous and “flip“. I hope you all can understand and accept that, that’s not something I want to do. It’s like an automatic defense mechanism.
Yeah… I have my problems otherwise I wouldn’t take medicine to feel okay. And I appreciate all my friends, then one I have in real life, the ones I have on internet. And for the ones in real life, you mean a whole damn lot to me. You are among the reasons I’m still alive today, because you wanted to be friends with me. And while its not perfect (nothing is) I just hope, that sometime you could send an sms asking how it is. I know you are having a hard time too, but talk to me and we’ll help each other. That’s what friends are for, right?
To some this must sound really gay, but I really needed to vent these feelings.
But I appreciate that we can spend time together and play games like old days. Or take on video games we haven’t played yet and go though then together. I’m not sure you will even read this, but I really value our friendship you where my first real friend and I do feel like you should understand me best. But I know that can be hard, when I don’t even understand myself. Please don’t take my text here the wrong way, I just needed to vent some thoughts. I hope we’ll continue to be great friends forever and thanks to all who wants to be my friend. It means more to me than I can ever express.