A few days ago I discovered something I wish I hadn’t, I realized that I still seem to have feelings for a girl I went to the same class with in school. She was not interested in me in anyway and I didn’t make any more advances on her. And I fell into depression at the time, I couldn’t stop think about her. Well, life goes on and I’ve been thinking about her from time to time. Then one day while I was working, I saw a girl that reminded me of her. It wasn’t her, but that’s when I started to hurt… I realized I still felt something for her.
Is that even possible? I could never stop thinking about her in the past, she is also to date the only girl I’ve had feelings for. I haven’t met anyone that made me feel like I did back then.
I haven’t seen her in years and my feelings seemed to be just as strong as before, but she rejected me horribly. And it made school even more awkward for me. Like I didn’t have trouble with other shit, then this came along and made stuff worse. It just feels weird to have feelings for this girl, I had let all feelings go and turned stone cold. So why the hell am I feeling stuff now? I really don’t understand human emotions well and this is just confusing me.
I had hoped to get more out than this, but I have a really hard time expressing myself when it comes to opening up my feelings. I’ve kept all kinds of feelings bottled up, I couldn’t cry in the past. But know I can cry for the tiniest thing, its so damn weird. I’m oversensitive…
She was my first love and seems to be just about the only love I’ve had. 15 years or so has passed since I last saw her and I have never met anyone or even gotten the feeling of loving someone. The thing is I’m not a believer of love and stuff like that, but still I feel this way. Yeah… A lot of ramblings this time, but I needed to get some of it of my chest.