Turning 30 in two months…
Yeah, it is hard to believe in just a little more than two months I’ll be turning 30. Can’t say that it feels different from turning 29 and I doubt it will feel different at all. I’m not worried about having a crisis when I turn 30, I’ve had to much shit happen in my life to be downed or flip-out because I’m getting older. I’ve managed to get an apartment and a job and I love both, even if I want a bigger apartment. I am checking around to try and find something, so we’ll see when something shows up. If I must wish for something I would only like cash, there is nothing else I need.
Not really true, but its easier and more appreciated. I just hope it will be a good day and I’ll see if I even bother to celebrate it. I really don’t see the point in stuff like that anymore. Birthdays, Christmas and all holidays. Ehh..
Even if things are better than they where in the past, I still can’t seem to shake my depressions and sometimes I still down and don’t have the strength to do anything at all. Sadly this is what I am feeling now and when I am like this I take everything as something bad directed at me if its written in text. Or if I am ignored when I try to reach out to get contact. And as I am now texting me is okay, but I don’t want to talk on the phone. Just hoping this will pass over soon, I hate feeling like this. I started writing this when I didn’t feel so good and I have rewritten this a couple of times already and I realize I didn’t feel so so good from the start. Forcing feelings and thoughts out in the open by typing them, sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn’t, even if I deleted them afterwards so others couldn’t see.
I just hate having this feeling of being dead-inside and the feeling of being abandoned.
I was really hoping to write a more positive post today, but it really didn’t turn out so good did it? Guess I’ll go offline now and try to occupy myself with something to stop thinking about stuff. Thinking of updating my profile here on the site later on, to describe more of my illness and why I am so depressed and down at times. So hopefully more people can understand, at least my friends. Next time I really hope I can do a big happy update.
Tags: Birthday, Depression, Feelings, Me, Yazuka
Work, work and you’ve guessed it. Work!
Ugh. Yeah, just ugh. Right now we are swamped at work, we have so much too do and not enough people to help us. And no they can’t hire more right now, so that’s is not an option. While it can be hard an frustrated at times, I still enjoy we have stuff to do. The only downside is that I am so damn tired when I get home, thankfully I’ll get of work early tomorrow. And hopefully I’ll be able to try Diablo III for the PlayStation 3 tomorrow with a colleague on PSSverige, that is if he can tomorrow.
And continuing with work, I have to work this weekend too. That sucks a bit, I’d like to get some time and fix my site. Get a new design, maybe try a new theme. I just do something new, but there never is any time for stuff like that. When I have free time I try to spend it with friends or games, so other stuff gets pushed back. But I am going to try and make time this weekend and get something done on the site.
I’d like to thank my friend “Elden Rucidor” for making the chibi version of myself, that I now have on my site. I think I am going to modify it a bit later, I’m really having a hard time with the pattern on the shirt. Works in real life but not so much in this picture I am afraid, it just messes with my eyes. Sorry man.
I guess I’ll have to change it to something with one color, it will be less stressful on my eyes that way. Again, thanks for making this man. I appreciate it and hopefully you actually see this post! (UPDATE: I have edit the colors now…) Thanks again Elden! =)
I’ll have to make some better posts in the upcoming weekend too, right now I’m not sure what I want to write about. Well that is not entirely true, but I’d rather sit down and write what I want when I have the time to do that. Will probably be mostly about games as always, but that’s just what I love! I love writing about games and discussing games, it’s one of the best things I know. So you won’t get away that easy! And speaking of games, I see a lot of people have been searching for “where you can get new hairstyles for Tales of Xillia.” The short easy answer to that question is you get them when you get new costumes. Either you get them from the few that are ingame or you will get new hairstyles when you buy costume DLC.
Tags: Busy, Design, Elden, Games, No time, Site, Tales of Xillia, Work, Yazuka
One year older today!
I’ve turned 29 today. Yay, yay and all that. Or something. Do not feel older or different, just like always. Just wanted to get that out of my system, I’m hoping my next posts will be a bit happier than the last few posts here.
Thanks to all the people who has wish me an happy birthday.
Tags: Birthday, Me, Micke, Yazuka
Down, depressed and soon 29..
Less than a week left until I turn 29. Heh, not that I care much about that. It’s just a number and doesn’t mean much to me, just adding to a bigger number. Guess that’s the best part of this month, because I have not been feeling well. I’m entering one of my depressing periods, it’s so damn hard to fight that. I’ve been wanting to avoid taking pills for as long as I’ve could, I’ve taken some for my depressions at time. But now I think I need something better and perhaps a more regular approach to it.
This past week that we are now leaving behind us has been bad, I’ve been walking around like an empty shell. And its hard that no one around me seems to understand how hard this is, and doesn’t give much thought. And it’s so damn hard to explain these kind of things to people, especially if they don’t understand how it feels to be like this.
So I hope I can get an appointment at the doctor next Friday and hopefully I can get some help, at least see if I can get a diagnose on why I am like I am and have to feel like I do.
And hopefully get rid of some of the heavy load ‘m carrying from my past, that would be nice. Or at least get some of it of my chest, so it doesn’t sink me down so much..
This was a depressing post, I really hope the next ones will be much better and happier. If I just can get rid of this heavy, empty feeling I can start feeling a bit better. At least for now and that would be great.
Tags: Birthday, Depressed, Me, Yazuka
What are you searching for?
I sometimes enjoy checking what various people have been searching for on my site, yes unless you knew I can see what you’ve all been searching for. But only what you’ve searched for on my site, not what you search for on other places on the net. ;)
Some things make me go “okay…” others have made me laugh out loud, it’s very funny to see what people are searching for. I hope you’ve found some of the stuff you hoped to find, but who knows? You might find it here in the future, since it also gives me a pretty good idea what to put here to please some of my readers.
Here are some of the once that I like the most. They’ve either made me laugh or something, I just like them okay!? Yeah, here it is. ;)
1st secret ecchi, tales of graces f hentai, it’s time to fap woody, skyward sword dirty moments,
the dumbest bike ever, why so much ecchi in girls bravo, olymipian ass,
shaved head feeling, when was pizza first made, this ain’t avatar,
Tags: Bored, Funny, Ideas, Search, Update, Yazuka
Look at that. I’ve got glasses.
So it seems like I finally needed some spectacles, my sight isn’t that bad but it seemed like it was time for it. With my glasses I don’t have to overwork my eyes, which I’ve seem to done. I know see things from a distance with more sharpness and less blurriness, so that’s pretty nice!
So far it feels pretty weird, a bit strange. But I guess that’s natural in order to adapt and get used to the glasses. I like then at least and that’s good. Now my nerdiness is complete! Whaha!! Or would have been if you believed children when I was young saying only nerds had glasses.
I really do hope this will put less strains on the eyes and I’ll have less headaches, it probably will. Now I’m probably never going to see another 3D movie at the cinema, I’m not much for the wearing glasses over glasses (Yo, dawg!) thing. Well enough rambling for this time, hoping I can post a few funny Woody pictures (what are you thinking!?!) next time. Till then take care mates!
Tags: Glasses, Me, Nerd, Photos, Sight, Yazuka
Coming together
Things are finally coming together at my new home. They put in the new plastic carpets today, or as they say the new “floor”. So I can finally start putting up my stuff, that feels great! Will finally feel like a home, one that I like very much. The apartment is smaller, but I like it. It somehow feels freer, it could be because of all the bad stuff I’ve left behind. But I think I can start a life where I can be more happy, I hope so at least. I don’t want to be chained to the bad stuff that has happened in the past, since I’ve let go of those things I hope I can heal.
Well enough of that shit now, I thought I’d post a few pictures of my new place. Nothing much, but I just wanted to share some of it with those who care. The kitchen is tiny, but there is room for two to sit there at least. That’s good enough for me. And while I’ll have to have my bed in the living room too, it’s not that bad. I really enjoy this place, it is calm and it feels like I got away from the shit at the old place. So yeah, smaller apartment but bigger happiness and feel more secure. Fuck yeah!
