Sick and tired of me…

It’s that time again. Time to hate on myself and feel bad.
Well not only feel bad, I feel like I am all alone. But then again I always feel like that, that nobody really wants to be with me.
Like I’m a pain to be with, someone your ashamed to be with. Or rather someone you don’t want to be seen with. Like people are only friendly with me to be polite, the is no other reason. I have felt like this for the longest time and I can’t shake this feeling and its eating me up. And people don’t it isn’t so, is not going to make me feel better, because I will still feel like shit.
It is n times like these I don’t want to go out at all, I just want to hide away In my apartment and ignore the world. But at the same time I just want to get away.

And because of my overweight I hardly want to go out and do stuff, I’m afraid the people who are with me are disgusted with me and don’t really want to be seen with me. So I’ve cancelled a few planned trips with my friend because of this. I hate myself for not being or getting motivated enought to change my fucking life, when I get pumped and want to change my thoughts quickly charge to darker thoughts where I but myself down hard.
I can’t say how many times I’ve thought about cutting into my fat, ”Just cut it off Micke. Then it will be fine. Cut of the disgusting fat.”
I don’t think anyone really understands how serious of a toll this is taking on me and like the fucking idiot I am, I just cover it with jokes and fake smiles. Smile and wave Micke, smile and wave. Everything’s okay. And then I do something stupid thatI really didn’t want to do, but did bebause of a fucking impulse I can’t control and after that I feel like people hate me more.

I wish my motivation was higher, but since I feel like I don’t have any support either I’m just wandering around aimlessly. I know the only one who can get this together is me, but it’s hard to change or get your shit together, when yo feel like what’s the point.
Thoughts and feelings like this take up about 70% of my daily life and I’m so sick of it. I’m tired of feeling left out, I’m tired of feeling like nobody wants to be with me.
I’m tired of myself, I’m tired of everything. A lot of whining I know.
Guess I’m at least good at that.
I feel like I’m the only one who gets hyped for things, at least let it show in my group of friends. I feel like I have no one to talk about the games I like or other stuff I like.
It’s more akward when I bring up stuff like that, at least that’s the impression I get.
So it just adds to my feelings of feeling left out. I dunno… I just feel alone. All the time.

This damn luck…

As always I’ve been working… So it so nice to have tomorrow and Monday off. Really been looking forward to be able to sleep in and not have to go up at four in the morning. I’m already tired as hell, tired for many reasons…

Lately a bunch of shitty stuff has been happening. I’m not planing to go into detail on any of the stuff, I’m mearly saying this so people know that I am in a bad mood and don’t feel well. And right now I want to be left alone.
And to those asking about my PSN, it fucked up. I’ve lost people on my friendslist but I can’t add them again. I can’t add anyone… Fucking shit.
Well somethings happened there, so it could be because of that. I don’t really know and right now I don’t really care.

For now I just want my own time, I need to figure some stuff out and see if I should continue doing other stuff. Yeah, this post was actually never ment to say what was bothering me. Just letting people know I am not feeling well for various reasons.
Typing on my mobile so there are probably a bunch of spelling misstakes.

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Animals, Movies and such

Today or rather yesterday, since it’s already past midnight here. I went to Skånes Djurpark, to watch all the animal. But I was somewhat disappointed when it came to my attention that the only had nordic animals there. I was expecting, tigers and such… Still it was pretty nice, I’ll try to post some pictures later.

And when I got home I was greeted by the wonderful news that Tales of Xillia 2 will get localized for both Europe and America. It will be released in 2014 and with that we are getting three Tales of games in 2014. The Playstation 3 is still.going strong and I’ll probably be using it for years to come.

Me and my friend Elden watched G.I Joe Retaliation, I liked it. They did Cobra Commander justice in this movie. Cool design, good voice, yeah me like. We also watched the classic Street Fighter movie, you know the one with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia. Say with you will about it, but it is entertaining and Raul is awesome.
I made this gif animation from one of the funniest scenes from the movie, we both burst out laughing.

(mer…)

Missing the past

Damn I really miss the time when I had time to play all days long, been so busy at work lately so I haven’t had much change/time to play. A shame, since I really want to play. But I just don’t have the energy to do anything when I come home from work, it’s a bit sad. And even sadder is when I have the energy there is a bunch of other stuff that has to be done, like laundry, dinner and other stuff like that. It gets a bit boring and you just get more tired.
And I’ve had a longing to replay Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon 64 for the longest time, so I hope I’ll find the time with all the other unfinished games I have to play. Love that game and I haven’t played it in years, I really need some N64 nostalgia.

I really miss mine and Kntheking’s (hey dood!) old project RPGbloggen, would be nice if we could start that again sometime. Hopefully if we both have the time to write and contribute to such a project. But we’ll see what will happen in the future, would be nice to bring it back somehow. As I said we’ll see what the future holds. =)

Sick and tired

Hej all! I’m not feeling so good today. I’ve been sick since Tuesday, I came home from work and I fainted. I’m glad myI mother was there with me,  she was going to help me with some stuff in my appartment. The doctor I visited said it was most likely stress and I think he is right.

I’ve been doing a bunch of heavy stuff on my own, stupid as I am. I wanted to prove I could do stuff without help, stupid, stupid, stupid!!!
And now I’m paying the price for my stupid ego, my colleagues have been nothing but sweet to me in under this time. Don’t get me wrong, they are always nice. But it is really nice to see people care for you. That’ why I feel even more stupid that I tried to do everything myself, since I know they would have helped me. So I’ll be home this entire week and I’m hoping I’ll have some energy next week.

My next post will be a bit better, I’m gonna post a few pictures of my latest things and hopefully I will be feeling better to. But we’ll see, I’m hoping that’s what I will be able too do. And thanks to all my friends who has care, you all know who you are. Thank you.

I don’t feel like it, tonight honey

I hate it when you have to feel like this. You have absolutely zero intresst in gaming. It could be that I have finished everything I own and now I feel empty. Probably it. But i just can’t get in the mood to sit down and play something. The only positive side of this for me is that I finally go and watch some movies.
Still hate this feeling. I was feeling like this ever since my PS3 got broken last year. And finally started to feel better in January.
Well perhaps I can write something on my stories. If I get the insperation.

But what about you folks out there? Do you ever feel you want to do something but never have the energy to do it? Or you just loose intresst in it? Do you know why?
Do you usually do something to get over it? I’ve tried to play some games, but I just don’t get into the spirit of playing it. It doesn’t feel fun. And I really don’t want to force myself unto something like this, risk is that if might backfire. It did it once in my life when I completly tired of everything.