In just a few more days I’ll finally be moving, can’t wait to get away from here and start my new life. I hope I’ll finally get to feel at ease and finally start to feel happy again.
But enough of the dark and gloom, I’ve actually been feeling rather well lately, probalby do to the moving part. But it feels good not to feel pissy and sick all the time.
I’ve also gotten a bike so I can go on trips on my own, no more taking the bus to get where I need to go. And not only that, but I can get some excercise. So that feels so damn good!! Hehe, so no more sitting at home at weekends, now I’ll go out and take trips.
I saw The Avengers yesterday too. I liked it very much, it was just what I had hoped for. I won’t say much more that that. Sadly it was only shown in 3D, which at least in out cinema sucks. I’m not impressed at all and it’s hard on the eyes.
Right now I am watching Underworld Awakening, it is pretty okay. Wasn’t expecting much, but I like Underworld 1 and 2 more. But Kate Beckinsale is hot, hot, hot!!
Well that’s enough ramblings from me right now. My regulsr internet will soon close, so I won’t be able to surf or talk with people. Which I’ve been pretty bad at the last couple of months, but I just don’t like being as much at the conputer as I did in the past. Well either way, I’ll only be able to surf on my cellphone. So I’ll be making an update when I have moved.
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A few days ago I discovered something I wish I hadn’t, I realized that I still seem to have feelings for a girl I went to the same class with in school. She was not interested in me in anyway and I didn’t make any more advances on her. And I fell into depression at the time, I couldn’t stop think about her. Well, life goes on and I’ve been thinking about her from time to time. Then one day while I was working, I saw a girl that reminded me of her. It wasn’t her, but that’s when I started to hurt… I realized I still felt something for her.
Is that even possible? I could never stop thinking about her in the past, she is also to date the only girl I’ve had feelings for. I haven’t met anyone that made me feel like I did back then.
I haven’t seen her in years and my feelings seemed to be just as strong as before, but she rejected me horribly. And it made school even more awkward for me. Like I didn’t have trouble with other shit, then this came along and made stuff worse. It just feels weird to have feelings for this girl, I had let all feelings go and turned stone cold. So why the hell am I feeling stuff now? I really don’t understand human emotions well and this is just confusing me.
I had hoped to get more out than this, but I have a really hard time expressing myself when it comes to opening up my feelings. I’ve kept all kinds of feelings bottled up, I couldn’t cry in the past. But know I can cry for the tiniest thing, its so damn weird. I’m oversensitive…
She was my first love and seems to be just about the only love I’ve had. 15 years or so has passed since I last saw her and I have never met anyone or even gotten the feeling of loving someone. The thing is I’m not a believer of love and stuff like that, but still I feel this way. Yeah… A lot of ramblings this time, but I needed to get some of it of my chest.
Sometimes you can just be amazed over things. Like today.
I’ve actually had energy to do something. It has been a fairly good day in school. And I’ve sent away three jobsearching letters. And!
I have totally redone my CV. So I have gotten many good things done today. And I’ll continue to work on my CV and hope to improve it more, hopefully the companies I send them to will actually answere me now. Well maybe they won’t, but who knows. ;)
Either way it just feels great to have gotten it done. And I’ve also gotten some of my gaminglust back. I actually feel glad to be alive for once. Was sometime ago I felt like this. Its a good feeling not to have go around being pissed off all the time and wishing for bad things to happen… Hope this will continue the way it is right now.
Yeah… So I really hate it when you start to think about things. Something you want. Something you need. And you think about it so much that you build up a desire for that thing. Later you realize you can’t get that thing and you’ll turn depressed. Well I’m at the phase where I’m depressed.
So what is this thing that has gotten me so down? Playstation 3.
Oh, god I want one! With the new Ratchet & Clank coming out,
Eye of Judgment. And other games that are out. Like, Heavenly Sword, Folklore, Ninja Gaiden Sigma, Warhawk and Skate (perhaps)…
Enchanted Arms & Sonic The Hedgehog. Yeah, both of these games are also on 360 and people say they suck, I don’t care! I want them.
And then we have upcoming games; White Knight Chronicles,
Metal Gear Solid 4, Final Fantasy XIII, FFXIII Versus, Haze (maybe), Resident Evil 5, The Last Remnant. And others I can’t remember now. *sigh* I know its lame to get depressed over something like, this. But it feels like its slowly killing me on the inside.
I have a hard time to get sleep, since I only think about the PS3 when I try to sleep.
Well at least I could let out some of this rambling… And I guess feel a bit better.
But it will comeback to haunt me… I know it. It has done it before… =/
Hopefully it will get better. And hopefully I will someday get enough cash too buy one..