The ups and downs…
For the last two days I have not been feeling well. An even now I am feeling down, it happens when I am alone… And especially when I am waiting for something, like I am waiting for Tales of Xillia to get released…
You can think what the hell you want, I for one aren’t enjoying this. I hate that I can’t control this. I hate that a simple thing as waiting for highly anticipated game can bring me down like this. And when this spiral of emotions start to spin, the bad stuff from the past comes back. I just wish more of my friends could try to understand how much stuff like this really effects me. But some of them don’t seem to give a flying fuck or try to understand.
Ugh. Well on one better bit my friend ZX-Omega and I went to Åhus to eat ice cream yesterday (Tuesday). I really needed to get out and away from myself. I am so thankful to you for that. Sometimes I feel like you are the only one who does get me or at least tries. Thank you for being there.
Today (Wednesday) was a somewhat better day. Not a super good one, but better. And I hope it will only get better from here. Sorry for all the damn rambling. I just needed to get those thoughts out of my head. Next post will be a more happy one..
Posted with WordPress for Android
Tags: Alone, Depression, Down, Friends, Thoughts
So much to do! And so much to be done!
Damn, I’m almost at the end of my third vacation day and I’ve already done so much. And I still have a few stuff planned for this week. Tomorrow I am going to help a friend buy some cleaning tools for his apartment and check if the last owner really cleaned the apartment like they should have. Then on Friday I’m going to meet another one of my friends, that I hardly spend anytime with. Saturday is also booked by other various things. And on Sunday me and two other friends are going to go watch Pacific Rim! My most anticipated movie of the year! Hopefully it will be awesome, it will be glorious.
And then I am really going to take it easy next week, I really need that. And then next Friday (9th), it is finally time for me to get my hands on Tales of Xillia!! YES!!! I’m turning of my phone and will shut myself in that day. I’m just going out to pick up my preorder and then rush back home and then it’s playtime! For now I have taken a bit of a break from my Playstation 3 and are playing a bit in my 3DS and right now I am playing Mario & Luigi: Dream Team Bros.
A pretty fun game so far. I think this so far is the perfect balance for me, Sony and Nintendo. I got most of what I want from them.
Hopefully my review copy of Saints Row IV will arrive soon and then I’ll be busy with that. But right now life really feels great. It feels really good, right now, today. Hopefully it will feel just as good tomorrow and the day after that. I really am starting to enjoy life, with all it’s quirks and shits. It could be worse and it has been worse, it’s time to focus on the good stuff and try to leave the ugly past behind. That is much easier said than done, mind you. But at least it feels like I have the power to be able to get away from it a bit. And that my friends feels fantastic!
And I’ll leave you all with a song I’ve been listening non-stop to for the last couple of days! Enjoy!
Tags: Cinema, Cleaning, Friends, Games, Movies, Pacific Rim, Songs, Tales of Xillia, YouTube
First vacation day!
Aaahh!!! My first day on vacation! It feels really nice! He-he, but I’ve been busy since Friday. Been hanging out with a bunch of my friends and doing various stuff. I’ve actually already had two trips down to Malmö, boy I better start taking it easy now. I most say I am starting to feel a bit “sick” or rather worn out maybe. I think I’ve over exerted myself and now I really need some rest. I don’t feel all that hot.
It’s probably the weather too that is affecting me, I can’t stand the heat. It really is too much for me. And I have been feeling a little woozy. Heatstroke maybe? I hope it goes away, but for I’ll deal with it. But I don’t think I’ll be doing anymore travels this week, not to Lund, Malmö or such at least. Not until I know I’m not getting sick.
I at least hope I’ll be able to watch Pacific Rim next Friday! Or around that time, since it will have its premier in Sweden then! Looking forward to that! Not really sure what else I should write just now, but keep in touch and I’ll write something better later. =)
Tags: Friends, Games, Malmö, Trip, Vacation
Some thoughts…
New year is here and hopefully it will bring much happiness with it. Would be truly nice it that was the case for all my friends. That’s why I feel so down when some of my friends, almost aways the same one… Doesn’t even seem to ask how it is, or try to cheer me up when I’m depressed. I just read something this friend wrote and it got me started thinking about what it said in that text, and if that only applies to a certain other friend or in fact all friends. Because to my knowledge none of the other friends feel that way. I know this sounds harsh and mean, but seriously just hearing some encouraging words or asking how it is, could have helped me thought a bit of my depressions. I’m not even sure my words are coming out the way I’m thinking it in my head. They may seem harsher or ruder here, but hopefully my friends knows me that well to know, it’s not what I meant.
I’m not saying its always like this, but for most of the times. And I might be reading into stuff to much, but that’s pretty easy to do when you are depressed and it keeps growing. People who don’t suffer from this kinds of severer depression where you have to take medicine to feel normal can hardly understand what’s going on. I do know I might not be a very good friend, but I try and I have my problems that sometimes get in my way. Of either taking contact with people of even have the energy to do so. And my “wonkiness” or “awkward behavior” are just side effects of my insecurity, I don’t know how to act in front of people and I get nervous and “flip“. I hope you all can understand and accept that, that’s not something I want to do. It’s like an automatic defense mechanism.
Yeah… I have my problems otherwise I wouldn’t take medicine to feel okay. And I appreciate all my friends, then one I have in real life, the ones I have on internet. And for the ones in real life, you mean a whole damn lot to me. You are among the reasons I’m still alive today, because you wanted to be friends with me. And while its not perfect (nothing is) I just hope, that sometime you could send an sms asking how it is. I know you are having a hard time too, but talk to me and we’ll help each other. That’s what friends are for, right?
To some this must sound really gay, but I really needed to vent these feelings.
But I appreciate that we can spend time together and play games like old days. Or take on video games we haven’t played yet and go though then together. I’m not sure you will even read this, but I really value our friendship you where my first real friend and I do feel like you should understand me best. But I know that can be hard, when I don’t even understand myself. Please don’t take my text here the wrong way, I just needed to vent some thoughts. I hope we’ll continue to be great friends forever and thanks to all who wants to be my friend. It means more to me than I can ever express.
Tags: Depression, Friends, Thoughts, Valuable
Christmas tomorrow
I’m so glad I haven’t heard “Wham’s, Last Christmas” at all this year. So damn refreshing actually. So tomorrow is Christmas, for those who enjoy this day. I don’t and haven’t done for a couple of years, the magic with Christmas disappeared pretty early for me. So now mostly I feel like shit on Christmas, I really don’t enjoy it at all. Perhaps this year will be a bit better since I have been invited to a couple of friends, so there won’t be much Christmas stuff. Rather just eat good food and enjoy good company. No stress and shit with present and all that goddamn shit.
Otherwise I’ll just continue to soak in my off time from work. Just being able to stay up a bit later to play games, like I could in the past is awesome. I didn’t know how much I’ve missed that. Just game until you are so tired that you could fall asleep in an instant. Of course, you should never overdue it. But it feels good that you can play how long you want without feeling the stress, that you have to go to bed early because you have to go up early for something.
And while I do not celibrate Christmas or even give gifts, I myself received this. I’ve been having pretty fun with New Super Marios Bros. U so far. Even if I haven’t played much of it. Hehe, still Tales of Graces F replay getting in the way. But I’m going to start playing the Wii U seriously pretty soon. Miiverse was pretty fun, much more than I thought it would be. I enjoy seeing what people has drawn, some people are really talented. Disgustingly talented, I get very jealous at what some people can draw…
Tags: Christmas, Food, Friends, Games, Mario, Nintendo, Photos, Wii U
Oh, yeah! New apartment!
Finally somebody with some free wifi to lend me! My first time online since Thursday night, I can’t say I’ve missed it all that much.
Moving everything on Friday May 4th, went without a hich. It didn’t take much more than 2 hours tops. So that feelt really great, a shame that I must back to the old apartment for cleaning… But that a little less than two weeks away, so I don’t have to think about it right now.
So far I really like it in the new apartment, the first night I sleept as a baby. Best sleep I’ve had in months, and first time in a very long time I feelt really good.
Sadly I can decorate or put up anything right now, because the owners of the building are coming Wednesday and putting in a new floors in my apartment. So I just have the necesary stuff. But after that, I’ll but up pictures and stuff. :)
I really want to thank all of my friends who helped me with my moving, without you it wouldn’t have been possible. So thank you all so kindly! I apriciate it more than you think.
Posted from WordPress for Android
Tags: Apartment, Friends, Life, Yazuka
Hope I get all the parts
Yeah, I sure do hope I get all the parts! I’m going to Ikea today, I think it’s the first time since I was little I’m actually going there… I’ve been wanting some new stuff for my new life and my new apartment, so I’m hoping I’ll find something there. I’m going there with two wonderful friends from work, so we are going to have a blast. At least a new kitchen table, they weren’t very expensive there. We’ll just have to see what I find, but I think I’ll find some good stuff.
It’s getting closer and closer, for my move to the new apartment. I’m looking forward to it, I really don’t like where I live now. So it’s going to be very relaxing to be able to move away from here. Hopefully it’s one of those things that will help me feel good again, and not as depressed or sick. I would very much be able to feel that I’m healthy, something I think I haven’t felt in years.
Then again I might never have been healthy or felt good in my life, but that’s why I’m hoping that starting a new life will help. Leave the past that torments me so much, behind me.
Well enough of the doom and gloom now. I’ve got that out of my system for now, now I gotta get ready. I’m leaving in about an hour, so I’ll see if I post back later tonight with my catch of the day. Take care everyone!
Oh right! And after this trip is over for the day, we’ve been invited to another one of my close work friends for dinner. So that it going to be fun too, I’ve never really done stuff like this before. Going out with people that is. Only the ones I’ve known for years, so it feel pretty good actually.
