Week of depression

Ugh… I’ve been unable to shake my depression for over a whole week, I really hope it’s run its course soon. It’s getting really hard to get things done, when you are feeling this down. And I still don’t want to use as much medication just too feel good, but as I said i hope it will go away soon and my spirit and energy will return. It’s most likely my winter depression kicking in, as some know I don’t like Christmas all that much… I still miss the magic feeling it had when I was a kid, I’ll probably never feel like that again about Christmas.

I have started a second playthrough of Tales of Graces f for Playstation 3, it just about the only thing I’ve had some interest in. I think I am nearing 60hours now and I’m about to enter Ghardia Shaft. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s the last dungeon in the main game. But I’m not going to face the last boss just yet, I’m going to do some power leveling there. And then I am going to kick the last boss so damn hard, he will feel it into next month! I really want to try to beat the boss in 60seconds or less, so I can get the trophy for it. Just to know i have finished it. Even if there are harder trophies to get…

I hope it gets better soon. It probably will, just have to run its course. Glad that I’ll soon have five whole days that I can spend on what I want, it is going to be really nice! Since it’s Christmas break from work (best thing about X-mas right now). Looking forward to that and hopefully my batteries will be fully charged again after that.

Down, depressed and soon 29..

Less than a week left until I turn 29. Heh, not that I care much about that. It’s just a number and doesn’t mean much to me, just adding to a bigger number. Guess that’s the best part of this month, because I have not been feeling well. I’m entering one of my depressing periods, it’s so damn hard to fight that. I’ve been wanting to avoid taking pills for as long as I’ve could, I’ve taken some for my depressions at time. But now I think I need something better and perhaps a more regular approach to it.

This past week that we are now leaving behind us has been bad, I’ve been walking around like an empty shell. And its hard that no one around me seems to understand how hard this is, and doesn’t give much thought. And it’s so damn hard to explain these kind of things to people, especially if they don’t understand how it feels to be like this.
So I hope I can get an appointment at the doctor next Friday and hopefully I can get some help, at least see if I can get a diagnose on why I am like I am and have to feel like I do.
And hopefully get rid of some of the heavy load ‘m carrying from my past, that would be nice. Or at least get some of it of my chest, so it doesn’t sink me down so much..

This was a depressing post, I really hope the next ones will be much better and happier. If I just can get rid of this heavy, empty feeling I can start feeling a bit better. At least for now and that would be great.

Neptunia and christmas blues

So how are ya all doing? Me? I’m okay. I’m not to fond of this time of year, I just don’t feel to well. To many negative emotions and such that arises. Sadly, it been like this for years and it will probably be like this in the future too. Not that it bothers me too much, it might be others around me that will be bothered with my more depressed self.
You gotta take the good with the bad. So you won’t probably see me very active on the internet for some time, and if I’m online it will be to mostly post stuff here.

I’m playing Hyperdimension Neptunia for the Playstation 3 right now. A game I got cheap on ebay, otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten it. But I must say I’ve had pretty fun with it so far. Surprisingly. It is an RPG by Compile Heart, you know the ones who has made
Trinity Universe and Cross Edge. Yeah… They are not so great those games… But at least Hyperdimension Neptunia is better. I really like the humor in it, making fun of the console war and making the consoles into characters. I might go a bit more deeply into all this in an upcoming post. And I’ll give my final verdict on Neptunia.
Hehe, I’ve actually been playing this since Friday. Almost nonstop I only took a break now to stretch a bit and take a shower. Now I’m going back to play some more before I need to get to bed. At least I’ll have something to look forward to after work tomorrow.

A Strange day

I’ve been feeling a bit down and depressed the past week. I do still have those, even if so many things in my life is better than it was 6 months ago. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of some of the dark feelings that sometime creeps up on me.
Today was a strange day, I hadn’t slept much but the alarm rings and its time for work. it was all good, but on the way to work on the buss I started thinking. Big mistake… Depression hit again and it was back to square one, its really frustrating not being able to enjoy stuff because your drowning in your thoughts. Ugh, I sound like a emo now.

Much of the thought that have made me depressed is my loneliness. I’ve been feeling very lonely the past weeks, I’ve even started to dislike my apartment.
And I wanted to move. Move closer to friends… I have a bathtub in my apartment and I’ve always hated it, since I want to be able to take nice quick showers if possible.
Mostly since I work in dirty environments. So today finally, I was able to remove it and all my depression vanished. And my love for my apartment returned almost immediately.
Its been up and down like that for me all day, it felt so damn strange… Really don’t know what to make of it, well emo rant out!

I’m sorry

As you all might have noticed I haven’t been online. Well first of I’ve been sick. And a bit depressed. Or should I say a really deep depression. Its about stuff that happened In the past I tought I was over… But I guess I wasn’t.
So I didn’t go online to meet people, I just didn’t want to, or cared to do so. But I’m better now.

And on top of that now Felia [Telia], has done something to our internet conection so I can’t go online at home. Hopefully they will resolve this problem soon. Because I wanna surf now and talk to my friends.
A few of my friends thought something has happened since I wasn’t online like I used to. Well there you have it. Another update will probalby come when we get our internet back. You can check out my deviant, I’m going to upload some new pics atleast…